Boys' Academic Achievement to Skyrocket

#1’s birthday falls in the middle of summer. When he turned 7 two years ago, we took three of his cousins (at the time 13, 11 and 5, all boys) and his brother to Valleyfair. My retired uncle even flew in from Connecticut to celebrate.

It was terribly hot that day – over 100 and humid. When we weren’t at the water park, I spent much of the day hitting the bigger rollercoasters with the older boys.

What I remember most about that day was not bruising my internal organs on those insane rides. Nor was it blithely splashing about the waterslides for hours with the little guys.

Nope. At the risk of sounding like a hetero Mark Foley, or, worse yet, Democrat Perv Gerry Studds, my most vivid memories are of what members of the fairer sex wore. Every female, from 13 to 30, dressed like they were hitting an afterbar at Hedonism II. It was so surreal – armies of Britney/Paris aspirants roaming a family amusement park in trashy halter tops and microminis...

Girls Gone Wild/Six Flags.

My uncle proclaimed repeatedly that he was thankful he wore his sunglasses. Pretty recited multiple prayers to the God that brought us two boys. My 13 year-old nephew said... well, he couldn’t really formulate any words through that dumbstruck grin all day.

So what does this have to do with this post’s headline? Well, today I read that the Department of Education announced rules that will make it easier to create single-sex classrooms or entire same-sex schools.

It was bad enough in my day to focus on the chalkboard when the girls wore polo shirts and walking shorts... I can’t prove this, but I bet boys started becoming dumbshits when it became ok for girls to dress like hookers.

This announcement is a step in the right direction.

Global Warming Update - Twin Cities
10/24/06 Observed high temp - 45
10/24/05 Observed high temp - 45
10/24 Record high temp - 80 - 1989

Vote Yes?

I've seen a lot of these billboards around lately. "Vote Yes - For Better Roads and Transit".

I knew absolutely nothing about this issue (which probably makes sense since according to the media I'm the lone lunkhead planning to throw himself in front of the onrushing Liberal Locomotive next month…), so I decided to investigate.

First, I went to the website - Vote Yes Minnesota. Here, I learned that this is a push for a transportation amendment to the state’s constitution. If it passes, Minnesotans will reap the following orgasmic rewards:

Less time stuck in traffic!
Support for our rural economy!
Safer travel!
More jobs and stronger economy!
Cleaner environment!
More travel options!

Sounds heavenly! But still, being the only idiot stacking sandbags in front of the impending Democratic Deluge, I had questions. Like why do we need to amend the constitution to achieve such ecstasy when we already have a hefty $0.20/gallon state gas tax? Again, the website had answers:

Currently, only 54 percent of the existing motor vehicle sales tax revenue is being spent on transportation and there is no dedicated revenue source for public transit. If the Transportation Amendment is approved by voters, 100 percent of the revenue will go to highways and public transit.

OK. Although I am that single simpleton attempting to soak up the coming Tsunami of Sensitivity with a kitchen sponge, it’s starting to come into focus. (Key phrase – “…there is no dedicated revenue source for public transit…”) So how will it work? To find out, I read the amendment’s actual verbiage:

"Sec. 12. Beginning with the fiscal year starting July 1, 2007, 63.75 percent of the revenue from a tax imposed by the state on the sale of a new or used motor vehicle must be apportioned for transportation purposes described in section 13, then the revenue apportioned for transportation purposes must be increased by ten percent for each subsequent fiscal year through June 30, 2011, and then the revenue must be apportioned 100 percent for transportation purposes after June 30, 2011.

Sec. 13. The revenue apportioned in section 12 must be allocated for the following transportation purposes: not more than 60 percent must be deposited in the highway user tax distribution fund, and not less than 40 percent must be deposited in a fund dedicated solely to public transit assistance as defined by law."

Remember, I’m that solitary backward buttplug trying to stop up our upcoming Enema of Enlightenment. However, doesn’t “not more than 60%” toward highways and “not less than 40%” toward public transit mean that this amendment could potentially pave the way to nothing for roads and everything for boondoggle light rail lines?

Think I’m gonna have to vote NO on this one. Of course, I could have reached this conclusion by simply glancing at the bottom of the website, which features both Tim Pawlenty and Mike Hatch supporting the amendment.

Group-think always makes this feebleminded fool, this retardant to the approaching Progressive Pyre, nervous.

Global Warming Update - Twin Cities
10/23/06 Observed high temp - 39
10/23/05 Observed high temp - 48
10/23 Record high temp - 82 - 1899

An astute observation

From our well-read friend The Strongman. More Onion consumption is most definitely in order.

Here are some interesting, though not surprising headlines. A glance at the major news websites' top stories at 2:00 this afternoon:

FoxNews.com - Dow Breaks 12,000 for first time

CNN.com - Violence has Iraqis on the run

ABCNews.com - 10 U.S. Troops Killed in Iraq, 69 in October

CBSNews.com - 2 GI's Face Death Penalty for Rape, Murder

MSNBC.com - Courts-martial ordered in Iraq rape-murder case

DrudgeReport.com - N Korea informs China of plan to conduct 3 more nuke tests...

TheOnion.com - N. Korea Detonates 40 Years Of GDP

Global Warming Update - Twin Cities
10/17/06 Observed high temp - 55
10/17/05 Observed high temp - 66
10/17 Record high temp - 84 - 1910

Hand-Wringing Losers

Bored while working late yesterday, I clicked on a couple of articles concerning America's population reaching 300 million. I commented on one in USA Today (in bold below).The opinions submitted in response to mine, from both the left and the right, are entertaining - quite the fun-loving crowd.

It seems to me that two different issues are being addressed here.

The first is immigration. The second is resource management.

As for immigration, let anyone in who desires to contribute to this wonderful country. However, we must secure our borders and document everyone who wishes to benefit from our freedoms. Immigration is not bad; not knowing anything about the people you're letting in is suicide.

The state in which I reside, Minnesota, has only developed 3% of its land. I don't believe that's too far from the national percentage, so relax. We have plenty of space. And as for managing our resources, we're the most innovative achievers on the planet. Just look at the yield produced from an acre of farmland now vs. 30 years ago...

Don't listen to the likes of Dan Stein and Paul Ehrlich ("smog disasters will kill 200,000 in NY and LA", "the battle to feed humanity is over", "before 1985 mankind will enter a genuine age of scarcity"...). Hand-wringing losers both.

Posted by: Chris | Oct 16, 2006 6:36:45 PM

To Chris in Minnesota:
If your State has an endless amount of resources, then you shouldn't mind if we load up thousands of buses in San Diego, and send them all your way. There is no more room at the Hotel California; let's send all future immigrants to the little State on the prairie!!

Posted by: Brian | Oct 16, 2006 8:07:15 PM

I'm not too sure you're qualified to judge the effects of population explosion while living in Minnesota. Come to California and tell me about the benefits of unrestrained population growth. Come out here and assure me that everything will be okay, we have plenty of undeveloped land. Come out here and tell me how our power grid won't be stressed so badly that we have blackouts. Come out here to our schools, many of which are 80% Mexican, and tell me that American children are getting a good education (California is now tied for last in education, but was fifth in 1980). Come to California and reassure me that everything is going to be okay. Come to California and tell me not to listen to "the hand wringing losers".

Posted by: Chris D. | Oct 16, 2006 8:16:36 PM

Most Americans, myself included, do not object to a reasonable number of immigrants admitted into the U.S.A. each year. But the kind of mass immigration we have witnessed in this country in the last twenty years should not continue for another twenty years or the standard of living in the U.S. will erode and our infrastructure will be pushed to the breaking point. Do we want to see the United States be as crowded as China or India? I don't.

Posted by: Dan Phillips | Oct 16, 2006 9:14:57 PM

Dan Stein is right on with his article. I suggest everyone watch "Immigration Gumballs" at the following link: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5871651411393887069

If the link doesn't work, go to Google and type in "Immigration Gumballs Video" and it will be the first link which pops up.

This is a eye-opening presentation by Roy Beck of Numbersusa.com on the effect that legal immigrants are having on our society and environment. America is a compassionate nation and because of our compassion we have put our children and our grandchildren in peril, and most of us do not realize that we have done so.

This video appears to have been made in the mid 90's. In this video the 300,000,000 mark was not supposed to be reached until 2015. But here it is 9 years early. Keep this in mind as you watch the video, because that means the projections are all going to be proportionately higher based on that fact. Also keep in mind that illegal immigrants are not even discussed. We are presently allowing 1,000,000 legal immigrants in annually and Senate Bill 2611 increases that number even more. At the same time we are gaining at least 1,000,000 illegal immigrants annually--that number has steadily gone up with each passing year.

After watching this video I would encourage you to contact your Congressmen (Senate.gov and House.gov)and DEMAND a moratorium on immigration, which was done between 1924 and 1965. 100,000 has got to be the absolute limit for awhile. I would also encourage you to send the Gumballs link to all your friends; people need to be informed and the internet is our only hope.

Chris in Minnesota needs to know that the availability of land is minor. WATER is the big problem. Northern California already has to pipe water down to Southern California and if we haven't done so already, we will soon have to import water from Canada. And this is comparatively minor when one considers the societal problems and the strain on public services, as Mr. Stein states.

I grew up in the 50's and 60's and was a young adult in the 70's. Environmental concern was just beginning to emerge. In order to curb pollution and urban sprawl and to be better able to realize the American Dream, we were encouraged to aim for zero population growth. Which we did. And now we import millions and millions and millions. And these millions apparently do not practice birth control.

Had Johnson not opened the immigration flood gates in 1965, we could have expected a population in this country of 247 million in 2030. We will probably have 400 million by then. This is insanity and it has to be stopped. If you agree and do not contact your Congressmen, then you are part of the problem.

Posted by: Jackie | Oct 17, 2006 12:29:17 AM

"Minnesota, has only developed 3% of its land"

Is this to imply that the other 97% should be developed? Some of this land is not habitable. What about preserving open space and the environment for future generations? How much land is available for agricultural use?

"...so relax. We have plenty of space."

This kind of blind optimism is not supported by the facts.

Consider:

1. The world appears to have reached its geological peak oil production at 85 million bpd. The effects of peak may be mitigated by demand destruction (e.g. recession) and conservation but
given the needs of a world's population at over 6 billion on its way to 9 billion by 2050, rapid decline is inevitable.

2. Reports are in the press this week concerning major food shortages in more than 40 countries.This trend will worsen with increasing fossil fuel scarcity. As Dale Allen Pfeiffer explains in his newbook Eating Fossil Fuels, given modern agriculture's dependence on oil and natural gas for farming and production of fertilizer, pesticides, and herbicides, without abundant and cheap fossil fuels we cannot sustain thepopulation at current levels. For long-term sustainability the U.S. population would have to be no greater than 200 million and the world's population no greater than 2 billion - and that is before factoring in the effects of global warming, the growing problem of water scarcity, and significant issues with soil erosion.

3. Overpopulation goes hand in hand with overconsumption. Water scarcity and rapid depletion of important fresh water sources such as the Ogallalla Aquifer point to a U.S. population growth at unsustainable levels. SUCH PROBLEMS IN THE U.S. AND AROUND THE WORLD ARE NO LONGER AMENABLE TO "RESOURCE MANAGEMENT".

4. It is clear that the U.S. and the world is approaching the tipping point with regard to dangerous levels of pollution that are threatening our ecosystem and our long term health. Pollution of the air, water, and land is not simply a function of industrialized society. Large numbers of humans living in crowded and dense populations produce a lot of organic waste that can decimate the local environment and spread disease.

5. Quality of life issues are paramount for most Americans and the issue of overpopulation is the most critical factor for the problems we currently face. With such social crises as nearly 50 million Americans lacking health insurance and millions more underinsured and/or struggling with high deductibles, coinsurance, and copays - it is pure folly to ignore the compounding effect immigration has on this growing problem.

We can try to ignore things like expanding desertification, deforestation, polar bears drowning in areas with rapid ice melt, Chinese peasants rioting over pollution from the rapid expansion the number of coal-based power plants, an increase in respiratory disorders in the U.S. such as asthma and COPD, the rapid extinction of frogs and other many other species, high levels of mercury contamination in fish, the unrelenting spread of AIDS, particularly in Africa and Asia - an so on and so forth. However, one can put his or his head in the sand for only so long.

Commentators such as "Chris" try to discredit warnings about population pressures by pointing to observers who, while slightly off in their timing, are nonetheless reporting empirical truths about the inevitable consequences of exponential population growth on a planet of with finite resources. By making assumptions that since the day of reckoning has not yet come it will never come, the myopics are oblivious to the irony of their unfounded optimism since delaying the correction will only mean that when the correction comes it will be that more devastating.

Dan Stein speaks of the need for responsible stewardship of our society for future generations of Americans. This requires a LONG view that seems to be sorely lacking within an economic and political system that thrives on short-term gain.

Posted by: Cynthia | Oct 17, 2006 12:41:42 AM

Global Warming Update - Twin Cities
10/16/06 Observed high temp - 56
10/16/05 Observed high temp - 68
10/16 Record high temp - 86 - 1938

Madison

Badgers - 48

Gophers - 12

Global Warming Update - Twin Cities
10/15/06 Observed high temp - 62
10/15/05 Observed high temp - 62
10/15 Record high temp - 85 - 1947, 1968

An Experience

Living in Minnesota, Man Fun is often equated with killing things - headin' north to hunt or fish. Most guys I know learned the fine art of massacre from their fathers, who learned it from their fathers.

My father grew up in Elizabeth, NJ. Not a lot of huntin' going on there (although nowadays there are plenty of bullets to dodge), but Dad did fish and he passed that love on to me. However, we were always content to wet a line as an ancillary activity on vacations and never engaged in those destination fishing trips.

As an adult, my Man Fun in most cases involves visiting my alma mater - The University of Wisconsin. When I attended Madison from 1986-1990, the Badger football team won a total of around 10 games and Camp Randall stadium was half-empty. The only reason to go was the boisterous student section, which fed off the energy of the most creatively animated marching band around. (News flash - you can learn more about the band here.)

Things have turned around dramatically since those days - Camp Randall now boasts arguably the best home field advantage in college sports and is a frenzied scarlet sea of drunken fury. Wrap a day of picking your way through the Madison bar scene with a group of old friends around a Badger football game and you get pure Man Fun. (No need for girls on trampolines...)

I'm off to Madison again this weekend to watch the Badgers pound the Minnesota Gophers. The last time the Gophers visited Wisconsin in 2004, Star-Tribune sportswriter Jim Souhan described the experience in his column. Please pardon the long post, but as a professional he paints a picture of the atmosphere that I never could:

Setting just says college football

Jim Souhan
Star Tribune

MADISON, WIS. -- Saturday afternoon, a member of the Gophers football traveling party looked around Camp Randall Stadium and asked, "How do you compete with this?"

He wasn't talking about the Wisconsin football team, which proceeded to beat the Gophers 38-14.

He was talking about the Wisconsin football experience, which established a similar advantage over a college game at the Metrodome.

The Gophers and Badgers played at 2:30 p.m. Saturday, making this football afternoon a morning-to-midnight bash for what seemed like an entire town, making it the best party a visitor has attended in years.

Saturday morning, red-clad fans milled around Camp Randall, fire ants around a sand hill. Somehow, the smells of propane, hot dogs, damp leaves and beer blended into something more pleasing than perfume.

Fans threw footballs on blocked-off streets, an old-fashioned fire wagon carried cheerleaders, and band members carried their instruments through the crowds to the stadium.

Everywhere you looked there were grills and smoke plumes and mobile parties.

Then the game started, and the announced crowd of 83,069 filled every visible seat, with red sweatshirts outnumbering maroon-and-gold outfits about 80 to 1.

Wisconsin has renovated Camp Randall into an impressive structure. The lower bowl seats recall old Lambeau Field, and the luxury suites and offices piled on top of them recall Al Davis' monolithic structure at Oakland Coliseum.

The endzone seats holding the student section are where you want to be. All game the students stood, dancing to music provided by the marching band or the PA system, and the party really started at the end of the third quarter.

"Jump Around" -- the same song played during Anaheim Angels games when the Rally Monkey appears -- prompted these red-clad primates to do just that, and suddenly this massive stadium was shaking, the press box wavering as if it were made of papier mache.

At the end of the game, the Badgers sprinted across the field to take back Paul Bunyan's Axe, the symbol of this rivalry, then sprinted around the field, with Richfield native John Stocco, Wisconsin's quarterback, belying his quiet persona by dancing in front of 80,000 screaming fans.

Then came what Badgers fans call the Fifth Quarter -- another half-hour of fans staying in their seats, listening to the marching band. When a few Minnesotans left the stadium two hours later, the party had moved to the streets, and the band members were carrying their instruments from party to party.

Disregarding the game's result, it was a quintessential college football experience.

Full disclosure: My daughter attends the University of Minnesota, and I have no ties to Wisconsin, other than the payment of a few speeding tickets.

This is not a plea for a new stadium, because I have no more interest in beating that drum than you have in hearing it.

This is part celebration of what Wisconsin has, part lament that Minnesota can't compete in terms of football amenities and atmosphere.

Forget about winning and losing: College football is about atmosphere, and shared experiences, and perfect fall afternoons, and the Metrodome will never be able to compete with places like Camp Randall Stadium in a town like Madison on a pristine November Saturday.

There's room in the car if anyone wants to join us. Otherwise, see you Monday.

On Wisconsin!!!!


Global Warming Update - Twin Cities
10/12/06 Observed high temp - 39
10/12/05 Observed high temp - 62
10/12 Record high temp - 87 - 1975

Denial

Gazing out at the light dusting of snow sprinkled over the suburban landscape and blowing on my hands to limber up my creeky, frigid fingers, I read this, linked from Drudge. An excerpt:

A U.S. based environmental magazine... is now advocating Nuremberg-style war crimes trials for skeptics of human caused catastrophic global warming.

Grist Magazine’s staff writer David Roberts called for the Nuremberg-style trials for the “bastards” who were members of what he termed the global warming “denial industry.”

Roberts wrote in the online publication on September 19, 2006, "When we've finally gotten serious about global warming, when the impacts are really hitting us and we're in a full worldwide scramble to minimize the damage, we should have war crimes trials for these bastards -- some sort of climate Nuremberg.” (http://gristmill.grist.org/print/2006/9/19/11408/1106?show_comments=no )

It's all making sense now... The Google crowd lures "Global Warming Deniers" like me into Blogger Beta, which cuts off our Blogline links to the greater blogging community. Now isolated, no one will notice when the Sierra Club swoops in and whisks us away to northern California for a treetop (endangered) kangaroo (rat) court proceeding, where we're convicted of "crimes against Goddess Gaia" and sentenced to twenty years of a carbon-neutral existence.

Better get these Global Warming updates in while I can still use a computer.

Global Warming Update - Twin Cities
10/11/06 Observed high temp - 48
10/11/05 Observed high temp - 61
10/11 Record high temp - 84 - 1930

The Mayors Make a Bet

Yesterday, the Minnesota Twins opened their playoff run against the Oakland A's. In keeping with tradition, Mayors RT Rybak and Jerry Brown have engaged in a friendly wager between their two cities.

I planned to parody this hackneyed act between two of the most laughable figures in politics (if the A's win, RT will give Jerry a yellow bike, a "US Out of My Uterus" t-shirt and a copy of "Running a City into the Ground for Dummies"; if the Twins win, Jerry gives RT a lock of Kathleen Soliah's armpit hair, a "The Only Bush I Trust is My Own" bumper sticker and a copy of "Idiot's Guide to Making an Unlivable Shithole Even Worse")...

However, truth is sometimes funnier than fiction. From today's Star Tribune:

"...If the Twins win, Brown has promised a bottle of wine, a box of Oakland's Serendipity Chocolate and a copy of Michael Lewis' book "Money Ball..."

(I was tempted to write "Money Shot", but that wouldn't be funny, would it?)

"..If the A's win, Rybak will give two tickets to the Guthrie Theater, a bag of Honeycrisp apples, a six-pack of Summit Beer and a pair of those fuzzy Joe Mauer sideburns."

These two deserve each other.

Global Warming Update - Twin Cities
10/3/06 Observed high temp - 77
10/3/05 Observed high temp - 85
10/3 Record high temp - 90 - 1997

They're Baaaack!

Hide the children!

SUV hits, kills toddler in driveway

Global Warming Update - Twin Cities
9/29/06 Observed high temp - 62
9/29/05 Observed high temp - 62
9/29 Record high temp - 89 - 1897

Reevenj!!!

As far as I can tell, the only benefit I derive from having a tv in our bedroom is that I get to catch a bit of the most mind-numbing mush available - the local and network news. The doodleheads they feature on these brainless programs reliably make me feel as though I've made it in life.

But enough about the news anchors...

As I emerged from the shower this morning, I saw that a bitter retiring Ohio teacher attempted to take "revenge" on her school by placing an ad in the yearbook that took the form of a caustic mock report card grading the students and administration. She was able to do this because she doubled as the yearbook advisor.

The story and video are here. When you watch the video, remember this was her immortalizing coup de grace, her final "Fuck You" to all the little shits and incompetent administrative busybodies that made her miserable for 35 years.

And she couldn't fucking spell "inconsistent" correctly. Plus, she, the yearbook advisor, placed her ad on the backside of a page memorializing two students killed that year. The school couldn't simply rip out the page, so they plan to sue her for the cost of reprinting 400+ yearbooks - around $20,000.

Now, she'll only be remembered as a moron.

Global Warming Update - Twin Cities
9/27/06 Observed high temp - 58
9/27/05 Observed high temp - 77
9/27 Record high temp - 88 - 1987

El Diablo!

I'm a sucker. If someone or something pesters me enough, I'm eventually breaking down and buyin' what they're sellin'.

This held true with Blogger Beta. Every time I logged in, this damned site begged me to upgrade to the Cialis of blogging services - bigger, harder, stronger, longer Blogger Beta. I, of course, dutifully complied and for God Sakes somebody help me!

The image upload rarely works, and when it does it's impossible to format. But what really drives me nucking futs is the that the fonts indiscriminately change on me. If I were more conspiracy-minded, I'd think the liberal fruitcakes that run Google are punkin' me.

Which gets me to the point of this post. Group-think, and the conspiracies it spawns, makes me nervous. This is why I left The Left long ago. But Group-think is not confined to that side of the aisle. When every solitary soul in a room parrots the identical lines, I feel uneasy, regardless the political leanings.

For instance, although I vote Republican, I became quite jittery attending a Bush rally in my town last year. And when I read yesterday that Jerry Falwell proclaimed that Hillary Clinton running as the Democratic presidential nominee in '08 would motivate Evangelical Christians to oppose her more than if the devil himself were running, I became queasy.

I never understood the Clinton hatred. And although Bill's embarassingly childish tirade on Sunday nudged me in that direction, Clinton Haters have made my list of Group-thinking Vehicle Nazis.

Global Warming Update - Twin Cities
9/25/06 Observed high temp - 66
9/25/05 Observed high temp - 66 (Earth is taking 'er easy.)
9/25 Record high temp - 91 - 1920

One Event, Two Stories

This is telling. Today I read that motorcycle-riding gunmen shot dead Afghanistan's Ministry of Women's Affairs chief. I believe the contrast in the reporting of this event provides an instructive look on how two news organizations view the global struggle in which we find ourselves.

First, from CNN:

"There was no immediate claim of responsibility for the shooting... Taliban insurgents have killed numerous government officials as part of their war against the government and foreign forces supporting it."

Then, from Fox News:

"Two gunmen on a motorbike killed Safia Ahmed-jan outside her home Monday in apparent retribution for her efforts to help educate women, officials said...

Ahmed-jan was known for being an active proponent of women's rights in this former Taliban stronghold... In Kandahar alone, Ahmed-jan had opened six schools where almost 1,000 women learned how to bake and sell their goods at market. She had also opened tailoring schools for women, and clothes made there found their way to western markets...

...When the Taliban regime ran the country women were banned from schools and couldn't leave their homes without a male escort."

Global Warming Update - Twin Cities
9/24/06 Observed high temp - 65
9/24/05 Observed high temp - 67 ('06 two degrees colder than '05)
9/24 Record high temp - 89 - 1935

Pack it In!

I read an unconfirmed report this morning that Bin Laden may have died in Pakistan last month from typhoid. Details are very sketchy and it doesn't appear to be true, but this got me thinking - what will the left's reaction be when this scourge is indeed wiped from the earth?

Over the past five years, every Republican attempt to tout any success in the War on Terror or, God forbid, aggressively prosecute it, has been met with the same tired refrain: "Yeah, but we haven't found Bin Laden."

When he does perish, is that it? Do we disband the TSA, the NSA, the CIA and Homeland Security, finally kill the Patriot Act and bring our boys home from Afghanistan and Iraq?

Dems have painted themselves into a corner on this one. The man will die - it will be interesting to watch their response.

Global Warming Update - Twin Cities
9/22/06 Observed high temp - 59
9/22/05 Observed high temp - 67
9/22 Record high temp - 95 - 1936

California

California announced yesterday that it's suing the nation's six largest automakers for causing Global Warming. From the referenced article:

The lawsuit does not seek a specific claim for damages. The complaint said the state is spending millions of dollars on planning, monitoring and making infrastructure changes to address "a large spectrum of current and anticipated impacts.''

Hey Callie. Speaking of "infrastructure changes", did GM and Honda make you build this?
What a crock. Fucking lawyers.

Going forward, I'm going to report on our anticipated cremation by following the daily climate reports as posted on the Twin Cities' National Weather Service site. At the very least, this exercise will force me to post more frequently. Maybe it'll assuage some unnecessary fears.

9/20/06 Observed high temp - 58
9/20/05 Observed high temp - 83
9/20 Record high temp - 91 - in 1895, 1908, 1931

Looks like we'll live to see another day. Phew.

Dems Question Timing of 9/11 Commemoration

As most of America steps back to reflect on the horrific events that exploded on this day five years ago, many Democratic lawmakers are beginning to grumble about 9/11’s proximity to November elections.

“Sure, it was the most devastating attack on American soil and nearly 3,000 of our fellow countrymen were crushed or incinerated, but do we have to acknowledge it now?” asked Kent Conrad (D-ND). “I mean, September is so darn close to November. It’s just not fair.”

Patrick Kennedy (D-RI) agreed. “I guess I understand the need to remember, but hell, I can’t remember where I slept last night. What’s the big deal if we move it to, say, Christmas?”

Others, like Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), demanded a solution. “In George Bush’s America, only Republican candidates are meant to feel as though they care about the 'transnational Islamo-Fascist movement hell-bent on crushing Western Civilization,'" she said while wiggling two fingers from each hand for mock quotational emphasis. "Commemorating 9/11 on September 11th only feeds this disunity. I call on the president to change the date of this annual event or cancel it altogether.”

John Murtha (D-PA) was more pointed: “Observing 9/11 so close to election time is a failed policy concocted by neo-con chickenhawks to QUESTION MY PATRIOTISM!”

Whispers are surfacing in Democratic circles about forming an independent council to examine the matter, but former Vice President Al Gore believes he has an immediate solution. “Why not swap 9/11 with Earth Day, which falls on April 21? After all, every day is Earth Day.”

Asked if every day could be 9/11, Gore exclaimed tersely, “Fuck no. You want to prey on our fears?”

Beta

Experiencing some minor difficulties converting to Beta. Come back soon, ya hear?

Hmmmmm...

Yesterday's Star Tribune editorial page featured the following mature, enlightening, nuanced cartoon from Tom Toles:

And in an interestingly poignant juxtaposition, this bit of trivia appeared on the opposite page in the same edition:

"In the early 1900s, when cities had multiple newspapers, an estimated 2,000 cartoonists were at work. Twenty years ago, close to 200 cartoonists still were employed. Today, the number is less than 80, according to the Association of American Editorial Cartoonists."
- Media Ethics, spring volume, 2006

Yet another one of those things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmmmm, courtesy of my favorite paper.

August 30 - Fight Night

According to this article, August 30 was the most likely day of the entire year to engage in a dust-up with your significant other.

"The theory is that post-holiday blues combined with the end of the summer and no more bank holidays until Christmas conspire together to make August 30 the day tempers will fray.

Paula Hall, a sexual and relationship psychotherapist, said the arguments can be explained by a simple equation: Post-Holiday Depression + Financial Strain - Lack of Light/Domestic Chaos = Relationship Stress."

Last night after our annual Labor Day bash, I mentioned this tripe to Pretty and said it was a load of crap. She responded by explaining that there might be something to it, as the impending burden of paying bills with no foreseeable bank holiday was really weighing on her.

"Oh yeah?" I sneered while inspecting our overdrawn checkbook. "I'd kill puppies to have your problems. You know what it's like to work your ass off all day only to come home to this domestic chaos? "

"Here we go again with the puppy killing," sighed Pretty mockingly. "At least you get outside of this dungeon once in awhile. You know what it's like being forced to live in this sunless pit after growing up in Arizona?"

"Fine, Pretty. You go back to Arizona. Who needs this relationship stress anyway?"

I woke up this morning in the utility room, surrounded by empty cans of paint thinner. August 30. What a crock of shit.

You Decide

Separated at birth?




Creepy Minneapolis meteorologist and inspired storyteller Paul Douglas.







Creepy pedophile and inspired storyteller John Karr.

20 Years

20th high school reunion tomorrow. It's no big deal really, as I wasn't much a fan of high school.

I played sports, but didn't fit into the jock crowd. I took accelerated classes, but didn't excel academically. School politics weren't my thing either - I never liked meetings, or for that matter, people.

A crew I kind of melded into was a group of underachievers who really didn't give a shit what anyone else thought of them. They weren't bad dudes by today's standards - just an impassive bunch who smoked clove cigarettes and drank Pfeiffer while playing cribbage on Friday nights.

One of them ran for Class President our junior or senior year as the lone member of the Apathy Party. He gave his speech in a black trench coat and concluded by announcing that he could promise that things would be better under his administration, but wouldn't because he just didn't care. The audience, of course, erupted in wild applause. A flustered school administrator begged us to take the election seriously.

Most attendees will probably be the pink polo and Girbaud jeans folks who drove Daddy's Saab, but you never know.

One thing I do know is that it's been 20 years since graduation. Thank God.

The Urban Sprawl Fen-tasy

Back from vacation.

Every year, Pretty, BENRY & I load up the Family Truckster & head somewhere on a summer road trip. I'm always amazed at just how much land this country is blessed with. Manifest Destiny, indeed.

Within 30 minutes of leaving suburban Minneapolis, you find yourself in what feels like the middle of nowhere, regardless the direction you venture. It makes you realize that the enlightened "Smart Growth" crowd is, ahem, misguided.

My in-laws, whom we see regularly, are Social Justice types who subscribe to this "Don't believe your eyes, believe us" worldview. At a dinner earlier this year, my sister in-law proclaimed while lamenting Urban Sprawl, "I think it should be illegal to cut down trees".

After noting their sprawling (ha ha) wood house carved out of an acre of woods in a prestigious wooded lakeside suburb, I quietly excused myself from the wooden table, grabbed a cold beer and went outside to play with the kids on the playset. Made of wood, of course. (Hiding behind children during war isn't always reprehensible...)

Here's a map and some statistics from the State of Minnesota that may help if you truly believe we're being overrun by strip malls and McMansions. Only 2.7% of Minnesota is developed. By comparison, 10.6% is home to "bog/marsh/fen".

"Fen"?

Idiot!

Every year growing up, my mother hid a certain mid-February edition of Sports Illustrated from me. Nevertheless, a copy somehow always found its way into my hands.

So what could possibly have driven me to repeatedly deceive the woman who gave me life?

Her. Today I learned that her husband cheated on her with his 18 year-old employee. As Napoleon would say, "IDIOT!"

And not surprisingly, it looks as though this lout's political decisions are as clear-headed as his personal ones.

Do as I say...

Saturday's Star-Tribune features a bootlicking article on Mike Erlandson, former Minnesota state Democratic party chairman who has thrown his hat in the ring to replace retiring 48-term congressman Martin Sabo.

The write-up is headlined "Environment tops Erlandson Campaign". In it, Erlandson claims that he had "an environmental epiphany" early in his political career that motivated him to establish a "bicycle division" within Minnesota's Department of Transportation. (???)

"If we don't address global warming and climate change, all the other issues aren't going to mean a lot 10 years from now," Erlandson said at a Minneapolis news conference.

The article then lists the other contenders in the race just before this too-good-for-commentary tidbit:

"Erlandson said he intends to get rid of his Cadillac Escalade because of environmental concerns and the cost of filling the tank."

Heh.

Environ-Mentals Sport Wood(y)

Today it was reported that a federal judge suspended a $320 million Arkansas irrigation project because of the discovery of an ivory-billed woodpecker. The bird was widely believed to be extinct, and its 're-discovery' was wildly celebrated in the environmental community.

In his ruling, District Judge William R. Wilson stated, "When an endangered species is allegedly jeopardized (emphasis mine), the balance of hardships and public interest tips in favor of the protected species. Here there is evidence" that this particular bird might be imperiled.

Great news, right? I mean, even the staunchest pollutant-spewing, wetland-draining, tree-cutting industrialist should rejoice that Goddess Gaia has resurrected one of her precious creatures. Like, life is an interwoven tapestry and every organism needs each other to survive, right?

Sure. I might be inclined, in light of this ecological miracle, to become a believer in all things ECO (again), if not for one pesky detail: It can't be proven that anyone has actually seen the bird.

Apparently, in 2004 a kayaker claimed that he saw Woody while paddling through Big Woods in Arkansas. Word quickly spread through the tree-hugger brotherhood and rewards were offered to anyone who could provide proof that this cherished bird, which we seem to have done just fine without for over 60 years, existed. Ridiculously enough, the wackos even threw parties:And despite all of these efforts, the only evidence that the bird actually exists is six claims of sightings and a "blurred and pixilated" video, no doubt presented by casually objective weekend bird-watching hobbyists.

Such meager proof couldn't possibly derail a major federal irrigation project designed to bring water to the rural south, could it?

Apparently it can. This, my friends, is a great example of how the modern environmental movement works to stop progress in its tracks. So the next time a construction project is really twisting your titties, sneak a peek at one of these lists and call your fave environmental NGO.

And generations from now, when our descendants return to their mud huts after a hard day of hunting once-endangered woodpeckers and rats while fighting off once-endangered wolves and bears, they may recall stories about indoor plumbing and grocery stores and rue the days when their ancestors accepted this lunacy.

A Still Life with Woodpecker, indeed. But at least they'll feel good about themselves, right?

My New Dependent

My family is small. Very small. In fact, I am the only person I know of, outside of my twin sister, who does not have a single first cousin.

I have two uncles - my mom's brother is married and has no children. The other, my dad's brother, is Gruncle.

Gruncle, as BENRY calls him, is short for Great Uncle. He's a character study - an extraordinarily intelligent man who designed submarines for 30+ years on the east coast and never found anyone smart enough with whom to discuss nuclear fusion (or is it fission?) and philately. So he never married.

You'd think that a man of such high profile who was never encumbered by wives, second wives, kids, stepkids or deadbeat half-brothers of any of the above just may have stockpiled some pretty cool stuff as he journeyed through life. You'd be wrong.

Gruncle is one American who didn't simply ignore George Bush's "Ownership Society", he utterly renounced it. He has rented the same bottom floor of a duplex for over 30 years. He has never owned a car. He doesn't buy food for his refrigerator. For all I know, he leases his clothes. And no, he does not live in a major city where you have to sell your organs to make rent.

What Gruncle does do is collect stamps and travel - not to Thailand like most single, middle-aged men in his situation, but to Minnesota to visit his tiny family on holidays and BENRY's birthdays.

During Gruncle's most recent visit, he said to me as I was leaving for work, "Keep bringing in those bucks! I'm beginning to draw Social Security and need you out there." We had a good laugh about it, but as I drove to work I considered how much loot a guy could accumulate over the years with no wife, kids, car or mortgage, nor any hooker, drug or gambling addictions to feed. I figured it was right around a trillion dollars.

Now if someone with a trillion dollars is counting on me to support him, I concluded that maybe, just maybe, this country is in for a rude awakening in 20 years.

Think I'll go have a beer.

Blimey! Limeys to charge $50/day SUV Fee

How long until the Greenies in Minneapolis try to pull this crap?


From the American Thinker:

London mayor Ken Livingstone announced yesterday that the £8-a-day congestion charge will be raised to £25 for SUVs. In other words, if you own an SUV you will have to pay almost 50 dollars for the privilege of driving through central London.

Livingstone said that the charge will be

‘a painful regime that discourages people from driving cars that produce more than the average carbon emissions.’

Staggering is not only the amount, but also the rationale behind the scheme. The original stated intention of the congestion charge was to reduce the number of vehicles in central London, but now it is to be used for a different purpose entirely: To pursue devious environmental agendas of ultra-leftist politicians.

Ken Livingstone – aka Ken the Red – is a leftist in the finest European tradition who has called SUV owners ‘idiots.’ He said that he was making his announcement early to discourage people from thinking about acquiring one:

‘Many families in London may be considering purchasing a new car over the next two or three months. I would want them to know the long-term thinking as they can factor that in.’

Livingstone is already promising that if the scheme proves ‘successful,’ he will introduce a citywide charge for SUVs in the next few years. All this from a man who in November of 1999 told the Sunday Times:

“I hate cars. If I ever get any powers again I’d ban the lot.”

It bears keeping in mind that it all started as a £5 charge for a relatively small area. A couple of years later the boundaries of the chargeable zone are going to be dramatically expanded and the charge will be five times the original amount for certain vehicles. And they are plotting further schemes in the years ahead. You give leftists an opening and they will never stop. Never believe when they tell you in the beginning that it is only a small levy that will only apply to a small number of people. This is how they always start and before we know it they fleece us numb.

The Greens throughout the London government are naturally delighted. Jenny Jones, a Green assemblywoman, said:

‘I am absolutely thrilled. It is only fair that people who choose to drive big, gas-guzzling cars pay more and people who drive a low polluting vehicles should pay less.’

Darren Johnson, leader of the Greens on the London Assembly added:

‘I have been pushing for this change since the congestion charge came into force. It is good to see Ken making the polluter pay.’

It is painful to think that the whole racket is based on the spurious and unproven premise that human activity affects global temperature. But this is the essence of the leftist modus operandi – using bogus claims to deprive people of their money, freedom and choices. And we just keep falling for it (and paying too).

[The quotes are taken from an article in the print edition of the Evening Standard which has not appeared online.]

Vasko Kohlmayer 7 13 06

Human relations puzzler of the day

There's probably a better way to put this, but here goes:

Is an insult truly an insult if what was taken as an insult a purely unintentional act?

TV in the Bedroom

Pretty and I don't have satellite service on our bedroom tv like we do through the rest of the house. It was one stipulation that I made a few years ago when I acquiesced to a television in our room at all.

My reasoning was not high-minded nor complex. I simply did not want my bed to become like Ned's in "One Fish Two Fish":

"...I do not like
this bed at all.
A lot of things
have come to call.
A cow, a dog, a cat a mouse.
Oh! What a bed! Oh! What a house!"

i.e. If our bedroom tv were SpongeBob-ready, I'd end up like my poor friend Eric.

For the first year, this arrangement worked great - "NewsRadio" was newly-syndicated and Phil Hartman's Bill McNeal was the funniest character since Ted Baxter in the early years of MTM. But as endless episodes of "Frasier" and "Raymond" began polluting the tube, I gravitated back to (gasp!) reading.

Recently, I stumbled upon a new (to me) BBC sitcom called "Keeping up Appearances" on PBS. British comedy has always been one of two compelling reasons to keep government tv. (That hippie painter who talked like he was luring a 6 year-old into his cargo van being the other.)

I'm hooked. Here are Hyacinth Bucket ("Bouquet, spelled B-U-C-K-E-T. Bouquet.") and Onslow, her brother-in-law, a limey Homer Simpson. My two favorite characters.

Give it a shot - 10:00. Oops - 9:58. Gotta go!

Hand-Wringer of the Day

The "Letter of the Day", courtesy of today's Star-Tribune:

I've heard it said that NASA is a gigantic welfare program for engineers, and I tend to agree.

While the pursuit of knowledge is always a worthy objective, I'm one of the people who can't think of one thing in the universe we'll discover that will do us any earthly good in the foreseeable future.

We have enough major challenges to address here on the ground, like developing clean energy sources and reversing global warming.

But hold the layoffs. Let's keep all those scientists gainfully employed by simply "repurposing" their brainpower and NASA's humongous budget to solve the most lethal and far-reaching problems we face today.

Space will be there for a long time. Our beautiful planet won't.

THOMAS MCNulty, Eden Prairie

Just exactly where is Earth going, Thomas... Planet Heaven? Is she planning to escape the heat by going to hang with Neptune for awhile?

Thomas needs something to take his mind off of NASA's bloated budget and our supposed looming global incineration. Maybe I'll send him one of #2's dinosaur books and an "Ice Age 2 The Meltdown" DVD to assuage his dread about Ma Earth's propensity to warm up or cool off occasionally.

Happy Birthweek

#1 turns 9 years old next week. (NINE YEARS?!?! Holy crap!)

I just received an email from my dad - he's going to be out of town for the kid's actual birthday and wants to know if we could hold an additional party the day after.

Why the hell not? As far as I can tell, we're already having five parties commemmorating this earth-shaking event. One for school friends, one for neighborhood friends (guess those two groups don't mix well in social settings), one for my family, one for Pretty's family (I know those two groups don't mix well in social settings)and finally one for any stragglers who just like to party - the guys who painted our house last summer, for instance.

I understand "Wild On" caught wind of this impending bender and plans to send a video crew to follow us around for the week.

OK; maybe I exaggerate. But when did observing a kid's birthday become the freakin' Rose Bowl? I pondered this question last night and after hours of exhaustive research, I pinpointed the genesis of this phenomenon:

Anti-Social Studies?

If you read right-leaning blogs, you're most likely aware of parents' complaints concerning the deranged classroom rants of commie school teachers like the "Geography" instructor Jay Bennish in Colorado.

Pretty & I send BENRY to a Catholic school, but it's for reasons other than the supposed leftie indoctrination the public schools offer. In fact, as a product of the very school district in which we currently reside, I'm convinced that my boys would do wonderfully in this system and will eventually attend high school where I did. (As long as the district stops herding kids into Special Ed programs to secure additional funding, but that's a subject for another post.)

I find it interesting that the primary segments of productive society in which one finds bona fide moonbats are Education and Law (and in a particular personal instance, Educational Law). I honestly don't know why it is, but it is very rare that I run across a Production Manager, a Sales Rep, a dock worker or heaven forbid a small business owner who has adopted the strident "corporate imperialist Bushitler Haliburton Rove cabal" mindset. They could, of course, keep their beliefs to themselves, but I visit hundreds of people a year on sales calls and have yet to hear Air America on a single radio.

But I digress. What motivated me to post today was learning that my 7th grade Social Studies teacher, Roger Cuthbertson, was recently arrested while protesting at a fundraiser featuring Dick Cheney. The event was held at a lakeside estate - the protesters were on a pontoon in the bay, shouting anti-Cheney slogans. Mr. Cuthbertson then boarded a smaller boat with his hippie friend and (according to the Star-Tribune):

"...tried to paddle the raft to shore so they could speak with Cheney. A sheriff's boat intercepted the men, but not before Cuthbertson jumped into the bay and tried to swim toward the reception."

Hilarious. Sneak a peek at this photo of Mr. Cuthbertson (he's the bearded guy in the blue jacket), cropped from another Strib article about a weekly peacenik party held outside a prominent local defense contractor. I remember him as a disheveled, long-haired dude who wore plaid shirts and his Levi's well below his hips long before "jailing" was in. In his class, I recall listening to Garrison Keilor, performing a mock trial and watching him furiously scrawl a detailed chalkboard sketch of how the atomic bomb worked. Nothing unreasonable.

Who knows? He may have thrown hysterical tantrums about Pershing missiles in Europe and "Evil Empire" speeches... I just don't remember them. But if he did, his rhetoric certainly didn't affect me as he'd hope it would.

My point (if I have one): Schools should certainly do their best to evenly portray all sides of any issue, but maybe we should all lighten up a bit. Kids will eventually find their own ways in the world, regardless the crap any strangers try to fill their heads with.

A Meek Return

Yes, it's been awhile. Family events, a funeral and a reunion, have kept me away.

My grandmother passed on last month. She was 95. Growing up, I always looked forward to the end of my long baseball season when my family would pack up and drive to western Montana, where we would spend weeks with my grandparents splashing in a cold mountain lake, fishing mountain rivers and generally enjoying a taste of Mountain Life.

I remember the giant zucchinis she grew in her garden, picking raspberries at the house and huckleberries in Glacier Park, long, slow walks through pine forests with her pointing out Indian Paintbrush and Oregon Berries, endlessly jumping off rocks and docks into that aquamarine lake under her watchful eye, browned butter (it's the Polish way, she would say) poured over fresh green beans and that huckleberry pie which no earthly words could describe.

But what I will take to my grave is the way she always, regardless of how badly I felt I was screwing up my life at any given time, made me feel like the most important person in the world. Without fail.

I miss you, Grandma.

My First Blog Rant

No cute anecdotes here - this has to be presented as the maniacal rant that it is. My apologies to anyone who takes offense.


To all of you bicycle club losers - GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE ROAD!!!!!

You are not Greg fucking LeMond. And when you dress like him, you are no different from that fat guy in shipping who wears eye black and his high school baseball pants to his bar's softball games. You do not look good in lycra. Nobody does, except Shania Twain. And even if a herd of Shania Twains decided to ride their bikes in the middle of the fucking road at ten miles per hour I would lay on the horn and flip them off, too.

Suburban Minneapolis is not the French countryside, and your little bike club is NOT the Tour de Fucking France. This is the United States of America, and people drive their cars to get places. Like work. And unlike France where nobody does anything productive, if we're late for work or a client meeting because a group of you morons takes up half of the fucking road, the government doesn't mandate that we keep our jobs.

So do us all a huge favor and either stay on the fucking sidewalk or shoulder so we can pass you without fighting the urge to run you down like feral cats. Or go find another cute hobby that encourages its participants to look like imbecilic halfwits but keeps them out of the fucking way. Like competitive fishing.


Phew. I feel better now.

Too Sexy for his Meat

Call me curious, masochistic, or just plain stupid, but I like to expose myself to a wide range of leftie thought. Daily Kos, Democratic Underground, MoveOn, International ANSWER... I love to poke around assorted websites just to remind myself of how certifiable I used to be.

One site on my list is PETA. When Al Gore first invented the internet, this URL was dedicated to People Eating Tasty Animals. It was a highly entertaining site that simply provided links to various meat & hide-producing associations like the Texas Cattlemen and featured the howling emails from dismayed vegans searching for their cyberhome. Very funny.

The URL now resides in the caring hands of the "real" PETA, where they promote silly acts of defiance like this.

Today I noticed a list of the World's Sexiest Vegetarians. Check it out. To be honest with you, I don't know who the hell most of these people are. But if the Veggies are pinning their recruitment hopes on the likes (or looks) of Chelsea Clinton, Grace Slick, Boy George and Leonard Nimoy, the movement is definitely in trouble.

Personally, my favorite is someone I wouldn't even nominate for the World's Sexiest Bespectacled, Curly-Haired, Mustachioed Performer of '80's Parody Songs. Yikes.

Comment Moderation

I'm sure you've noticed by the tragic state of my blog that I'm no technophile. On the blogway, I'm that old guy creeping along in the left lane, forehead barely visible above the dashboard that you want to flip off & hurl your slushie at.

Anyway, I think sometime in the past week I clicked the "Enable Comment Moderation" button on my Dashboard. My motivation? I dunno - maybe I subsonsciously wanted the final word on the stadium matter. Maybe I thought it was a magic tool that would spontaneously transform my readers' extremist positions into reasoned thought. And maybe I just thought the orange dot was pretty so I clicked on it...

Regardless, thanks to Sloanasaurus for alerting me to this matter. My apologies to anyone who attempted to post a comment this past week.

And thank you, Cynthia McKinney, for ruling out one possible use of the Comment Moderation tool (turning fringe diatribes into reasoned thought). I didn't realize you held such strong opinions on the Twins stadium.