Dems Question Timing of 9/11 Commemoration

As most of America steps back to reflect on the horrific events that exploded on this day five years ago, many Democratic lawmakers are beginning to grumble about 9/11’s proximity to November elections.

“Sure, it was the most devastating attack on American soil and nearly 3,000 of our fellow countrymen were crushed or incinerated, but do we have to acknowledge it now?” asked Kent Conrad (D-ND). “I mean, September is so darn close to November. It’s just not fair.”

Patrick Kennedy (D-RI) agreed. “I guess I understand the need to remember, but hell, I can’t remember where I slept last night. What’s the big deal if we move it to, say, Christmas?”

Others, like Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), demanded a solution. “In George Bush’s America, only Republican candidates are meant to feel as though they care about the 'transnational Islamo-Fascist movement hell-bent on crushing Western Civilization,'" she said while wiggling two fingers from each hand for mock quotational emphasis. "Commemorating 9/11 on September 11th only feeds this disunity. I call on the president to change the date of this annual event or cancel it altogether.”

John Murtha (D-PA) was more pointed: “Observing 9/11 so close to election time is a failed policy concocted by neo-con chickenhawks to QUESTION MY PATRIOTISM!”

Whispers are surfacing in Democratic circles about forming an independent council to examine the matter, but former Vice President Al Gore believes he has an immediate solution. “Why not swap 9/11 with Earth Day, which falls on April 21? After all, every day is Earth Day.”

Asked if every day could be 9/11, Gore exclaimed tersely, “Fuck no. You want to prey on our fears?”