#2 recently turned 7. I realize it's terribly trite, but it seems like yesterday he was just a little blob.A sobbing little blob, that is. And it actually seems like four years ago because the only thing I remember from his first three years was painful, relentless wailing. Pretty & I joke that were it not for this tortured cacophony, we would've found the energy to make #2 a middle child.
It's probably a good thing; we all know what happens to middle children. Look at Peter Brady. At least I won't wake up thirty years from now to see my son hawking Ab Squeezers or Bun Munchers on late-night infomercials.
Needless to say, #2 is a sensitive little guy who's had to live in the shadow of #1 - the boy who knows all. I understand this must be tough on him, so I do my best to provide paternal encouragement whenever possible. Like peeing into the toilet, not around it. Or reading.
After years of trepidation in the face of incessant correction by #1, something recently clicked & he got his reading groove on. Cereal boxes, newspapers, magazines - the kid now bellows out multi-syllabic words at least as well as Patrick Kennedy on Ambien.
Last week, I was in our bathroom shaving and heard, "NWA (nwah) Pie-lot strike av-ert-ed". I smiled. #2 was watching the morning news. Then, "Twins sta-dee-um scores big run". Awesome, #2. Keep 'er going!
"Man sets fire to wife, child"
Oops. Gotta get in there before...
"Sex off-end-er on loose"
Shit. Must. Get. To. Tele...
"Child porn ri..."
Click. I frantically turned it to "George Shrinks", that bizarre PBS show about a dwarf kid who overcomes his physical insignificance by using household items like shoelaces and tampax to save his wack hippie parents from imminent doom. Long ago, #2 and I renamed it "George Stinks".
Blood coagulating in my fresh razor wounds, I then enjoyed 20 minutes of chicken soup for a dad's soul.
8 comments:
I was just wondering if you knew where I could pick up one of those Bun Munchers you mentioned. And how does the Bun Muncher work, exactly? Does the product provide someone (or something) to munch on the user's buns or do they provide buns for the user to munch on? Either way, I'm intrigued.
No, no, no. PETER Brady was the middle boy. Greg, Peter and Bobby. And Peter is doing better than the other two. All Greg has done lately is a tell all book about going on a date with his TV mother. Bobby has just flat out disappeared. Peter, on the other hand, was on the Surreal Life.
And I like the dad on George Shrinks. He has a cool voice and hep cat facial hair.
MM - this is why I shouldn't do this. I sprung awake at 5:00 screaming, "Peter! It's Peter!" Pretty now thinks I'm dreaming in homoerotica...
Eric, you can find them at any major convenience store next to the Clown Kissers.
Saying all Greg Brady has done lately is a book omits the appearance he made 3-4 years ago on Celebrity Boxing, when he went out and took a beating from Danny Partridge. Fighting on a night that also included Tonya Harding vs. Paula Jones and Willis from Different Strokes taking on Vanilla Ice has to be more significant that Peter Brady's stint on the Surreal Life, which as I recall, featured the likes of Mini-Me, a female professional wrestler, and some gal from the Go-Gos (not Belinda Carlisle). Not to belittle Peter Brady's fine performance, but I think the nod has to go to Greg Brady and the other big names on the fight card.
All very impressive, but Greg's current stint as spokesman for the '70's Music Explosion is tops in my book.
Didn't Peter Brady hang from the monkey bars to try and make himself taller.
I wonder if it worked....
Ohhh, I saw that 70s Music Explosion infomercial and it really made me want to buy the CDS. My tongue is not in my cheek right now. I really did want those CDs!
Time-Life changed its strategery. You used to buy one & they'd send you one every month until you told them to stop. Pretty & I don't tend to stay on top of things like this; we ended up with eight of them.
Although where else can you find "Disco Duck", outside of your husband's collection?
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